Beefs and bouquets thrown at players by the Puck Pastor

When I was growing up there was a section in the local paper which always cracked me up. It was called “Beefs and Bouquets”. The fine citizens of my hometown (or at least the ones who could read and write) would send letters into the newspaper expressing their thanks for something, this was called a “Bouquet”. The negative or critical comments would be the "Beefs". Tragically, the literary genre of “Beef and Bouquet” seems to have fallen by the wayside (except, as google reveals in the BC town of Nanaimo where Beefs and Bouquets continue to be flung around town like the puck on a 5 on 3.

In an effort to leverage my unprecedented Internet influence and bring back the genre, I present: Puck Pastor’s Beefs and Bouquets. 

Beef – to the guys in my hockey pool who outbidded me for free agents Kevin Poulin and Marek Mazanec leaving me with Reto Berra and Carter Hutton as my two starters. My GAA is soon going to be north of four.

Bouquet – to Jonathan Toews for a world class performance Thursday night against the Winnipeg Jets. The backhand saucer assist through the zone to Hossa was incredible.

Bouquet – to the guy who works at Wal-mart who responded to my “How’s it going?” with a dead pan “I’m living the dream”. You had me giggling like Alain Vigneault at Vern Fiddler.

Beef – to whomever does marketing for the TSNJET’s channel. I am so tired of hearing about ZOOMIES. I’m reciting the narration in my sleep. I’d happily go back to the ShamWOW guy. The worst part is when you try to convince me wearing zoomies turns a 14 inch CRT TV into a 70' LED.

Bouquet – to the Edmonton Oilers for winning three straight, if you can now only manage to win 45 of the next 50 you will be laughing.

Bouquet – to Ben Scrivens for singlehandedly moving me from sixth to first in my Dobbernomics league in the last week. 

Beef – to the florist who sold me the wilting bouquet.

Bouquet – also to Ben Scrivens for supplying me with a name for my butler should I ever get one. “I say, good show Scrivens..now twice around the park and then home for tea.”

Bouquet – the line of Derek Stepan, Chris Kreider, and Mats Zuccarello for absolutely owning the Boston Bruins (or "pwning" as the kids say); probably a good chance two of these guys (Kreider, Zuccarello) are available on the wire.

Beef – to myself, for dropping Mats Zuccarello a few weeks ago before the Rangers got rolling.

Bouquet – to the guy who gave me a great deal on a side of beef.

Beef – to the Detroit Red Wings for not bringing Gustav Nyquist up to the bigs sooner.

Bouquet – to the Detroit Red Wings for not burying Nyquist on the fourth line when called up. Last I heard he was still practicing with Zetterberg and Franzen.

Bouquet – to Jacob Trouba and his quick recovery; apparently he is getting close to returning and if he picks up where he left off will be a good waiver pick up.

Hopefully, there is something useful in there for you as you mull over your fantasy options.

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