Congratulations to all of you who won your leagues this season. I knew you would. How, you say? Well, everyone knows J Status is a psychic of the highest level when it comes to these things. No need to hide it any longer. Here are the highlights on just how the Western Conference will be won this season.

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Let’s start with the first seed. Detroit will scare all of Hockeytown this year with a dramatic seven-game series against the underdog Predators. The Wings again face an early collapse at the hands of Alexander Radulov who finally makes all fantasy fans rejoice with a huge performance including 7 goals in a four-game stretch. Unfortunately, in game seven, Nashville’s Coach Trotz mysteriously benches Rads claiming his defense is too poor. Despite his 10 points in the series, Radulov watches from upstairs as his team loses by a goal off the stick of Johan Franzen in the 3rd overtime. Still, have no worries Detroit haters. The Red Wings manage to choke away another Presidents’ Trophy via a second round sweeping.

Meanwhile, the second seed Sharks, pound Miikka Kiprusoff with shots resulting in 180 saves in the series. Unfotunately for Calgary, that was only over four games. Yes, despite averaging 45 saves per game, the Calgary Flames are swept by Joe Thornton and his relentless wizardry. I guess Joe was just making up for his subpar fantasy season. The fourth game does conclude in dramatic fashion as newcomer Brian Campbell goes end to end with a double spin-a-rama to win the series with five seconds left in regulation. The team manages to clear the second round as well with little trouble but still falls short to a menacing team in the conference finals.

In another matchup, we have a clash of titans. No the teams aren’t especially dominant but the highly skilled, yet infamously injury-prone stars are among the elite in that category. The band-aid boy superstars are Marian Gaborik and Peter Forsberg. Marian has disappointed the band-aid king this year with his relatively healthy season. Still, the potential for injury remains strong. In the first period of the first game, Gaborik shows off some breathtaking moves and scores an early goal for the Wild. He then proceeds to celebrate by french kissing the very crossbar he just deflected his shot in off of. His tongue becomes temporarily frozen to the bar. By this time, Jose Theodore returns to his crease to find Marion hunched over stuck to the goal and takes a swipe at his shins in frustration and anger at the unsportsmanlike behavior. Gaborik tries to avoid his swipe and free himself and in the process awkwardly falls to the ice… pulling his groin.

Forsberg is pleased to see his prized pupil back where he belongs… headed for the trainer. Still, he is disgusted by the fashion in which Marian accomplished this and decides he no longer wants to be a band-aid boy. Forsberg proceeds to score 15 points in five games performing better than ever. The fantasy world is shocked and upset he didn’t do that sooner. Still, the team loses to Minnesota as Theodore again recalls how much he sucks and collapses. In Game 6, Forsberg’s pinky begins to hurt and that is the nail in the coffin as he can’t endure the pain any longer to prove his point to Gaborik.

Finally, we have our Anaheim versus Dallas matchup.  Brad Richards looks possessed in his first playoff game with Dallas. He contributes six points in Game 1 but then doesn’t score another point the rest of the series (sound familiar?). Meanwhile, Mike Ribeiro blames his lack of scoring on a cough he is trying to get over. After three games of not scoring, he reverts to his Montreal ways and begins to flop and thrive in pain all over the ice after a bump from Chris Pronger. Needless to say, Anaheim wins the series. Anaheim destroys Detroit in the second round as well causing Hasek to FINALLY retire. Anaheim meets San Jose in the Conference Finals and causes the Cheechoo Train, which has already potted eight goals, to grid a halt once again.
 
So another Cup for Anaheim… ah ha! Not so fast. That would be much too boring. So on the eastern front, the Capitals faced the Penguins in the Conference Finals. In a high scoring and extremely aggressive series, the whole round came down to game seven. Midway through the third period, with Pittsburgh up by one, Alexander Ovechkin lands a bone-crunching, yet completely legal hit on Sid the Kid. Pittsburgh is devastated. He is carried off the ice on a stretcher after trying for a short distance to make it on his own. Through the heroics of Marc-Andre Fleury and his teammates, the Penguins play an inspired game for their captain and hold onto the victory. Still, the media declares this to be doomsday for their chances in the finals.

The defending champion Anaheim Ducks arrive to play Pittsburgh with a new found confidence beyond what they already inherently had. Enter Malkin. In a spectacular show of leadership and amazing talent, Evgeni carries the penguins to a long awaited Stanley Cup Win! The NHL has their wish. The Pittsburgh Penguins are the champs by defending last year’s best. Still, this win is without the chosen one. The face of the NHL now appears murky in the mirror. The regular season scoring champ was a Russian, and now the Stanley Cup Champ and high scorer in the playoffs is a Russian. Fans everywhere soon begin to question who is TRULY the best player on the planet. A Russian Revolution? The Russians are coming? No, the Russian have arrived, and they own the league.

And there you have it. That is EXACTLY what will happen. Oh, you just wait and see for yourself!

The Status Report:

For the report this week, I decided to follow Miller’s lead (see Eastern Conference Playoff Primer ) and provide you with info on the top five scorers on each team and how they fared against their upcoming playoff opponent. 

Finally, I wanted to let you all know that with the conclusion of the regular fantasy season, this will be my final edition of the Wild West until after the UFA season starts rolling in the summer. I will be focusing on a new project until then… DobberBaseball! We hope to have the start of a site to you sometime this year and progress it from there.

Good luck everyone in Dobber’s Playoff Pool! Go Anaheim and Pittsburgh!