Western Conference Playoff Primer

J Status


 Ryan Getzlaf


Congratulations to all of you who won your leagues this season. I knew you would. How, you say? Well, everyone knows J Status is a psychic of the highest level when it comes to these things. No need to hide it any longer. Here are the highlights on just how the Western Conference will be won this season.



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Let’s start with the first seed. Detroit will scare all of Hockeytown this year with a dramatic seven-game series against the underdog Predators. The Wings again face an early collapse at the hands of Alexander Radulov who finally makes all fantasy fans rejoice with a huge performance including 7 goals in a four-game stretch. Unfortunately, in game seven, Nashville’s Coach Trotz mysteriously benches Rads claiming his defense is too poor. Despite his 10 points in the series, Radulov watches from upstairs as his team loses by a goal off the stick of Johan Franzen in the 3rd overtime. Still, have no worries Detroit haters. The Red Wings manage to choke away another Presidents’ Trophy via a second round sweeping.

Meanwhile, the second seed Sharks, pound Miikka Kiprusoff with shots resulting in 180 saves in the series. Unfotunately for Calgary, that was only over four games. Yes, despite averaging 45 saves per game, the Calgary Flames are swept by Joe Thornton and his relentless wizardry. I guess Joe was just making up for his subpar fantasy season. The fourth game does conclude in dramatic fashion as newcomer Brian Campbell goes end to end with a double spin-a-rama to win the series with five seconds left in regulation. The team manages to clear the second round as well with little trouble but still falls short to a menacing team in the conference finals.

In another matchup, we have a clash of titans. No the teams aren’t especially dominant but the highly skilled, yet infamously injury-prone stars are among the elite in that category. The band-aid boy superstars are Marian Gaborik and Peter Forsberg. Marian has disappointed the band-aid king this year with his relatively healthy season. Still, the potential for injury remains strong. In the first period of the first game, Gaborik shows off some breathtaking moves and scores an early goal for the Wild. He then proceeds to celebrate by french kissing the very crossbar he just deflected his shot in off of. His tongue becomes temporarily frozen to the bar. By this time, Jose Theodore returns to his crease to find Marion hunched over stuck to the goal and takes a swipe at his shins in frustration and anger at the unsportsmanlike behavior. Gaborik tries to avoid his swipe and free himself and in the process awkwardly falls to the ice… pulling his groin.


Forsberg is pleased to see his prized pupil back where he belongs… headed for the trainer. Still, he is disgusted by the fashion in which Marian accomplished this and decides he no longer wants to be a band-aid boy. Forsberg proceeds to score 15 points in five games performing better than ever. The fantasy world is shocked and upset he didn’t do that sooner. Still, the team loses to Minnesota as Theodore again recalls how m