Put the box scores down people … it’s time to actually watch hockey

Chris Burns


As fantasy hockey goes, we have just hit our so-called off-season. No more trades can be made, our lineups have pretty much been tweaked as much as they can, and with the exception of a few possible rookie call-ups, the waiver wire has been worked over more than a Playboy magazine in a teenager’s room. So I say we should all take a little breather, and actually sit down and watch a game or two. Perhaps we can even challenge ourselves to the extreme, and not check the box scores until all the games for that night have been completed. I know I know … it seems a little overwhelming, but it can be done people.



Pronger, Lowe and Smyth



Considering what I have just mentioned, it almost seems prophetic (or pathetic) that our Fantasy Hockey “break” falls in line with millions of small children’s March break from school. When you consider that our social skills, attention spans, and conflict resolution skills are about on par with someone in the second grade, it does seem necessary that we all get a short time to re-charge our batteries before heading into the all important year end exams, or in our fantasy world, the playoff pools. (At one point in this article I mistakenly typed Fantasy Hickey, and quickly realized the Freudian slip involved as a Fantasy Hickey is what most of us have probably gotten from our wives/girlfriends during our six month addiction to our pools).


    The bottom line is that no mortal can keep up our pace, with the degree of anal-ness we reach, and not come up for air at some point. Recently, a news story hit about a NASA astronaut going squirrelly and kidnapping another astronaut because she was boinking her boyfriend or something. Turns out, the astronaut who went nuts was in a 10-man 5×5 roto pool, and had been trying unsuccessfully to trade for Heatley for the last five months.


    So know the signs, and allow your fantasy gland some time to decompress over the next few weeks. Perhaps type some friendly posts on your message board, or even set your lineup for three or four days in advance so you can snuggle up with your significant other and share her interest in Desperate Housewives or something of the sort …. Oh oh … feeling woozy …. Throat is tightening ….. must check waiver wire.


–    Kevin Lowe should have his ass fired for ripping the heart out of the Oilers franchise by nickel and dime’ing Ryan Smyth. In the six games since the trade, the Oilers have scored four goals and have not won a game. The players have quit on him, the fans have quit on him, and I say it is now time for Oiler management to quit on him (see the forum for Dobber’s take, NHL section “Lowe is Brilliant”)

–    Am I alone in thinking that if you put Tim Thomas on a quality team, he would be a legitimate Vezina candidate? This guy is unreal, and seems to get better and better each time I see him play. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, make a point of watching a Bruins game or two down the stretch, and I guarantee you will see where I’m coming from

–    This Saskin vs. Union crap needs to go away. The NHL is about to embark on its grandest stage, the playoffs, and all people will be hearing about is this embarrassing story regarding e-mail peeping etc. Can’t we all just get along?

–    I say the rookie of the year award should go to Stastny. Malkin may win the scoring race, but what Stastny has done, based on what people expected, is much more impressive. This is a great opportunity for the NHL to take the huge emphasis off of point totals when giving these awards, and to recognize that the most valuable is not always the one with the most points

Until next time,

Peace Out



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